I want to talk about a few things that get in the way of us connecting with God and coming toward Christianity. Stay with me.
If you’ve delved into my very first posts, Divine Endorsement: Why I Created This Blog & Is God Flirting With You? 3 Signs You Need To Watch For, then you’ve caught a glimpse of the enchanting beginnings of the love story that is currently unfolding between God and me. And if you’ve read Holy Matrimony, you know where we are in our story currently. This post you’re reading is the piece of the puzzle that reveals what’s taken me so long to get here! I’ll lay out what’s kept me from authentically connecting with God and fully embracing Christianity. Before I go any further with this blog, I think it’s important that I acknowledge these barriers because it’s a part of my testimony, and it’s highly relatable and relevant to so many of us Christians, budding Christians, and even the irreligious and skeptics. You might’ve felt the same way that I have, or you might still be feeling it— like you want to really know God and adopt Christianity, but your foot hovers over the brake instead of the gas pedal. I have 3 barriers to acknowledge, and if any of these resonate with you, be sure to leave a comment and give me your perspective.
The Big Three
Incomplete Perspectives
Self-Interest
Poor Kingdom Representatives
Bonus Barrier
Incomplete Perspectives: Who Is He?
I didn’t go to church every Sunday growing up. Or even every other Sunday. Or every other other Sunday. I hope you’re picking up what I’m putting down. Church was not a super serious thing; there was no Bible studying going on in my house, and I didn’t have super spiritual and religious people in my immediate sphere of life. So, suppose you were like me and didn’t grow up an avid churchgoer or consistently read the Bible in your youth, teens, and twenties. In that case, an accurate perspective of God might’ve been/might be difficult to grasp. My knowledge of God and His character was so limited and incomplete. I was confused: is He merciful or vengeful? Does He love us, or are the lightning bolts poised and ready to strike us down? Is He guiding our steps or watching and waiting to send us to Satan’s barbecue? I really wasn’t sure and I didn’t know enough to make a fair assessment, but make an assessment I did. Handfuls of Sundays where preachers were huffing and puffing about hell and suffering gave me the impression that God was a wrathful and a harsh judge. I mean, if sin, hell, and eternal damnation were the consistent topic of conversation, what would you think!? I was not exactly inspired to come closer to God or come to church more often; in fact, I was a little disheartened. No shade to the preachers; they were just trying to save my soul and whatnot. The goal was to instill fear of the Lord, but most of what was planted was plain fear (not the righteous kind) and shades of resentment. I did not understand the nuances of God’s love, judgment, and justice and how they all work together for our good. I had to have missed those sermons.
*Sidenote* This is why going to go to church (the right one)/receiving a word consistently is important. I missed crucial pieces while trying to add two plus two and ended up with six.
From my damaged perspective, God was observing me stumble through life, tallying up all my mistakes, and I had to be perfect. Not only was I a bit of a perfectionist, but I also had commitment issues. God wants me to be perfect every day? For the rest of my life? Or burn!? Huge commitment, at the highest of stakes. An eternity of fire and brimstone did not sound like a vibe and as ambitious as I am, everyday perfection seemed like a task I was not equipped for. Mistakes were going to be made, and I knew that! So, in my mind, hell was inevitable. I thought that if I turned away and chose not to subscribe to Christianity, I would be kind of sort of exempt or something. Heh. I was so silly, but in my mind, it made all the sense! Anyway, I had little understanding of His character and how compassionate, gracious, loving, and ever-faithful He is. And I had the misconception that claiming Christianity meant that I had to be cookie-cutter perfect. Or go to the underworld.
In my early twenties, I also had the perspective that God was omnipresent but hands-off with us. That all of our moves were entirely predestined, that our fates were written and there was nothing we could do about it. Whew, I was lost ya’ll. However, in my mid-twenties, my perspective shifted, and I knew that God was listening, active, and guiding me, but because I didn’t read His Word, His character was still hazy. I had doubts and questions and essentially made up my own narrative for God and heaven. I’m ethical and kind and want to do good for this world and its people; I have pure intentions and motives; I’ll get into heaven. HA! Diamondlations 3:13.
If you’re down with Jesus and locked in with God, I’d love to hear the previous distorted/incomplete perspectives you’ve had in the comments. We can laugh about it now! And someone reading this might’ve had/has the same one!
Self-Interest: Me, Me, Me, & Me
So 👉🏾👈🏾 …. you remember how I said “mistakes were going to be made, and I knew that!”? Well, there were some mistakes that I hadn’t made, that I knew I wanted to make. I had premeditated mistakes! I was self and flesh-centered and I wanted to do what I wanted to do! My Biblical ignorance and the distortions about God’s character only added fuel to my built-in sinful nature. These were huge barriers. It felt blasphemous to even think about proclaiming myself as a Christian, knowing that I did not have to desire or zeal to follow the commands. I just knew He would strike me down if I did that, so embracing Christianity was out of the question. As I expressed, I was operating in absolutes: be perfect or go to hell. It was me and my own self-interests vs. everybody, including God. I didn’t think of it that way at the time, but that’s what it was. I imagined a strict, rigid, and boring life where I’d become one of those nasty, judgmental, holier-than-thou people and I didn’t want any parts of that! The fact that the decrees and declarations in the Bible were not just strict regulations for me to follow, but that they were given out of love, and would be the best guide and roadmap for life was lost on me. I wanted instant gratification, not knowing that infinite and eternal joy was even possible. I didn’t know that God has our best interest at heart, because I didn’t know Him, and my wicked and sinful nature (Im being dramatic, but I’m also kind of not) took the wheel, and I made my conscience my God.
Am I alone in this? You know, If no one relates to me on this, then that is GOOD! I hope you don’t, I hope you’ve never turned away in ignorance or been this self-serving. Amen. But umm.. If you can relate, let me know in the comments.
Poor Kingdom Representatives
Some people will never read the Bible, never know Jesus, and never set foot in a church, which means that Christian people may be the only visible gateway toward Christianity that some ever get. Lightly put, Christians are living billboards for Jesus and Christianity. The last barrier blocking my embrace of Christianity in my adult life (I’m in my late twenties now) has been poor kingdom representatives. Many of the Kingdom reps I’ve encountered had me thinking, If Christianity is going to turn me into that, I don’t want it!!! For example, years ago, a very close friend of mine converted to Christianity and became self-righteous, intolerant, and hurtful to the point where I had to let go of the friendship. Another example would be the impatience, lack of care, and flagrant disrespect that was displayed (toward others) by a Christian man I once dated. And I’m sure you’ve encountered a few holier-than-thou people who were highly judgemental and scornful; I’ve seen this from relatives, coworkers, and strangers.
What I’ve come to learn is that everyone’s walk with God looks different, and we’re all in different stages. Not every proclaimed Christian is on fire and committed to walking with Him, but many are sincerely striving to do their best with what they know. Christian people are people. Flawed and imperfect, but trying: just like you and I. It’s unfair to expect perfection out of anyone, but the bar is higher for Christians. (See, I knew this wasn’t something you could fake the funk in! It takes inner work and sacrifice to walk this walk.) That being said, exposure to positive representatives are crucial. When we lack authentic and inspiring examples of God’s kingdom, the negative ones stand out even more. It’s human nature for our brains to dwell on the bad, rather than the good. Authentic representatives of the Kingdom can make a significant impact, potentially guiding skeptics, non-believers, and new followers toward or away from Christ and eternal life.
I already know you’ve experienced a few poor Kingdom reps, so I won’t even ask about that. But I’d love to hear about the Kingdom representatives that have brought you closer to God. Any examples you share, we’ll all be taking notes!
BONUS BARRIER
I’ve saved the best for last: the greatest barrier, without a doubt, is the enemy. I know he’s shaking in his boots now! HA! He doesn’t want us to come to know God. If it were up to him, I’d still be clinging to my distorted perceptions, self-serving, and fixated on the poor Christian examples I’ve encountered. He will whisper lies, distort, tempt, and distract us from anything that would bring us closer to eternal life so that we can join him. He’s the type to emphasize and highlight anything and everything that takes us further away from God. His purpose is to kill, steal, and destroy and he’s had thousands of years to perfect his craft. He’s good ya’ll. Whatever it is that has you holding your foot over the brake is no doubt initiated from his murmuring. And his best trick yet is making us believe that he’s not at the center of it all.
Finally
I’m openly acknowledging the significant barriers I’ve faced in my journey to God, and it’s not a pretty picture, but it’s real! My mistakes and past experiences are integral to my testimony, and I believe I’m meant to share them with you. We all need reassurance that we’re not alone, that others have faced similar struggles, or are currently facing them. You could have more or less than the three that I’ve listed, but what I really want to emphasize is that establishing a solid understanding of God’s character—His love, faithfulness, fairness, and goodness—while embracing the sacrifices, teachings, and the exemplary life of Jesus, could have knocked all of these barriers over! However, the timing of when we start to cautiously dip our toes, take our first steps, and deep dive into faith unfolds exactly as it’s supposed to. Theres a purpose behind it, along with our testimonies.
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