Marriage. Covenant. Divine Union.
Over the past few months the topic of marriage has been hunting me with a particular intensity. I’ve found myself spending ample amounts of energy engaged in numerous discussions about marriage, divorce, and relationships. Remember the church I mentioned in my Life Update: Living In Japan? Well, coincidentally, I started attending their services just as they began a series focused on marriage. This coincidence, (is anything really coincidental though? *wink*) in harmony with an outpour of marital conversation, and prayer for insight and wisdom has sharpened my perspective on the truths of the covenant that is marriage. Marriage is clearly demanding special attention in this season, and I’m fully committed to addressing it!
Before I express what God is revealing, I’ll give bit of context. I didn’t grow up with Christian ideals about marriage, nor had I witnessed healthy marriage models up close and personal. But I knew that no matter how many dysfunctional/unhealthy examples I had, there was a lot more to relationships and marriage than I had seen. I’m so grateful that God planted this nugget of wisdom and discernment about relationships and marriage deep into my heart at a young age. The weight and significance of marriage was never lost on me, and neither was the beauty of what it is supposed to be. God granted me the faith to believe, even though the evidence of what I knew had to exist was absent, and this faith kept me from making some really disastrous decisions! I’ve made some not-great decisions. Heh. But I have thankfully, avoided disastrous ones.
If you think, or have thought anything like I do, you know that marriage is meant to be beautiful and is something that facilitates a certain kind of growth in us. And as I draw closer to God, I’m starting to grasp what that actually entails.
What Is The Purpose Of Marriage?
This has been the million-dollar question! Once we understand the purpose of something we can better understand how to approach and navigate it. Right?
My first thought is to look to Jesus, and see what He says about marriage. And Jesus explicitly states quite a few things about marriage. Such as ‘Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.’ (Matthew 19:9), and that divorce was permitted under Moses as a concession, but it is not what God originally intended (Matthew 19:8), and that some (only those whom God helps) choose not to marry, for the sake of the Kingdom (Matthew 19:12). But I want to zoom in on what he says about marriage after resurrection. I think this is important to dig into first and foremost.
For when the dead rise, they will neither marry nor be given in marriage. In this respect they will be like the angels in heaven. Matthew 22:30
Jesus kindly lets us know that marriage is not even a thing in heaven. So if relationships are not the same in heaven as they are on earth, what is the importance of this union? If heaven is the ultimate reward for living in alignment with God’s will, but the natural instinct and practice of two becoming one holds no eternal relevance, it naturally makes you wonder: what is the purpose?
I’ve had only fragments of an answer, but as I gain understanding of God’s character and His desires for us in this earthly realm, everything is beginning to fall into place. It appears to me that marriage serves three purposes.
1. To Refine One Another
In what other environment is there a better mirror to show you who you really are? Each person we’re in relationship with holds up a mirror to us, but none better than your spouse. And there’s no fog on this mirror hunny, its crystal clear! Not your best friend, not your mother or father, your favorite cousins, nor any other type of relationship can hold up this clear of a mirror. There’s something about the weight and responsibility of nurturing a living union, the intentional permanent tethering of heartstrings, and the lifelong oath to be entwined in every way. Through every thing. The concoction produces an environment that allows people to be seen on a level that no one else has access to. Whom else will have the privilege to know you like that? They get the opportunity to experience the beautiful parts of you, and the opportunity to be a help in smoothing out some of the rough parts of you that most wont see. The parts that even you might not be able to see, but probably need some help with. God is calling for His people to be holy and set apart; meaning there are a particular sort of people He wants with Him in heaven. It’s here, in marriage, that we get one of the greatest opportunities for growth and refinement gift-wrapped in an environment of safety and love.
2. To Support Each Other In Fulfilling Our God-Intended Purpose
This life is full to the brim with distractions and temptations, making it all too easy to stray from our God-given purpose. Many of us may never even come to realize what our purpose is because the noise surrounding us is deafeningly loud in comparison to the calling we may have on our lives. Unfortunately, falling into sin is natural to us. We’ve inherited the practice—shoutout to Adam and Eve. Not only do we have the distractions and temptations that we’ve had from the beginning of time, but we continually add new ones every day! (*cough* our phones and all the apps in them *cough* the items in your Amazon cart that could be at your door tomorrow *cough* new shiny things, craft cocktails, new restaurants, new hobbies *cough* I can keep going but you get the idea) If two walk together, and keep God at the center of their relationship, they can accomplish much more than they could alone. Dodging these worldly death traps is easier to do with a like-minded/Christ-minded partner at your side. You remember what Paul said about sharing each others burdens?! We can veer off of our God-intended path and purpose, and nose-dive right into a grave if we’re not careful, but in covenant we can bring further glory to God, by helping each other to walk the path of life.
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
*For transparency, king Solomon was talking about the advantages of companionship in general here. But who nearer and better to reach out to for support than your spouse?* Also, check out 1 Corinthians 7:1-10.
3. To Create Godly Families
In the very beginning of the Bible, God blesses Adam and Eve and commands them to “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the Earth and govern it.” In chapter 2 of the book of Malachi, the messenger speaks of a call to faithfulness. He says “Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.” The Lord goes on to speak about divorce, but we’ll get to that in a minute. Let’s zoom in on the portion that relays the message that God wants Godly children from your union. As a father to us all, God has graciously sprinkled insight and careful instruction on children and how to raise them in a way that they would know and honor Him, and in a way that would be good for us. We see that in Psalms 127:3-4, Proverbs 22:6, Proverbs 29:17, Isaiah 54:13, and many more scriptures. Every word that God speaks is extremely intentional, and so it’s apparent that He cares deeply for not just the union that we enter into with our spouse, but also for what we produce within that union.
These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them upon your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 NIV
I love what God has revealed to me, but I encourage you to speak with Him yourself. Ask Him what the purpose of marriage is, and how to move on a day-to-day basis in relation to it. If you’re not married and you desire to be, petition God to purify and put your heart in the right position so that you would be prepared when the blessing comes. If you are married, ask Him to grow you, your spouse, and your union in the direction He wants for it to go. Lastly, whether you’re solo or a duo, I encourage looking to Jesus and praying for wisdom and discernment in all areas concerning relationships.
What About Divorce?
Alriiight, buckle up babe. I have no doubt that this will offend some, but hey, our God and His truth is offensive for those of us who want to make our own rules and live according to our own understanding. Don’t shoot me, I’m just a messenger! There are many things He says concerning divorce, and I urge you to read your Bible and see for yourself, but His general stance on the topic is clear. He’s not a fan.
“For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heavens Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.” Malachi 2:16-17 NLT
There are many points in the Bible where we can get an understanding of how God feels about marriage and divorce. Check out Deuteronomy 22:13-30, Leviticus 20:10, Ephesians 5:21-31, 1 Peter 3:1-7, Hebrews 13:4, 1 Corinthians 7:10 and there are more. There are also soo many instances of God using the terms husband, and wife in relation to Himself and Israel. Jeremiah 31:32, Jeremiah 3:6-10, Isaiah 54:5, Jeremiah 3:20, Hosea 1-3+, and countless other examples can be found in the scriptures to support this and I point this out for a reason. God made a covenant with Israel; meaning they are married and He expects them to honor Him as their lifelong husband and be faithful in that union. In the New Testament, Jesus was asked, “Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?” (see Matthew 19:7 & Deut. 24:1-4) to which Jesus explains that divorce is not what God had originally intended. He goes on to say that:
“whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” Matthew 19:9 NKJV
Nowhere did Jesus mention “irreconcilable differences”, “financial problems”, “communication issues”, “lack of compatibility”, or any of the other things we might think to state today. Sexual immorality; dassit. That might be tough to reconcile with, I know. But one thing you’ll notice is that God is consistently insistent on loyalty and faithfulness.
The story and relationship between God and Israel is a great example of what faithfulness, love, and loyalty in covenant/marriage/divine union is to look like in the face of things not going our way. Israel whored herself, (His words, not mine!) and dishonored God time and time again, but even in His pain and fury, He stuck beside her. Even whilst facing rejection, and stomaching disgust for what had become of His people, even as He handed her over to the things she lusted after, and even when He had to turn His eyes from her: He always made space for Israel to come back to Him and cares for her even to this day. Can we agree that God provides the greatest example of love, faithfulness, and loyalty? He shows that our words, our oaths and promises are not to be given or taken lightly and that covenant is life-long and not to be abandoned based on feeling. This is not to say that the negative feelings we might feel within covenant are to be overlooked and dismissed with a “just be faithful” bandaid. God felt! God feels hurt and pain just as we do, and as we know, Jesus wept. So God isn’t a stranger to negative feelings. Anger, disappointment, sorrow, despair, fury, heartache, and dissatisfaction are all very real and not to be ignored. But divorce, does not seem to be the answer God wants for us to go toward. So we are to do everything within our power to stay unified. And when things aren’t in our power, we’re to pray to God and trust Him and His plan. You know the miracles our God can do; He brings dead things back to life and no problem is too great for Him.
Many people idolize marriage without understanding how serious of an undertaking it is, and without realizing that it is not for the faint of heart. Marriage (a healthy and Godly one) requires maturity, and two people who are willing to die to themselves for the greater good of the union and it’s purpose; everyday. I believe it’s more challenging than we might expect, but still worth pursuing.
If you’re considering divorce or you’re in the midst of one, I’m sending you warm internet hugs. The turmoil you’re experiencing is probably incredibly challenging, I know. In the face of these feelings I want to urge you to sincerely pray to God that He soften both your and your spouse’s hearts. Ask Him to quiet the distractions in your lives and heighten your spiritual sensitivity so that you can discern His guidance regarding your marriage. Pray that God alone leads both of you in the direction He has planned for your relationship.
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Ephesians 3:20 NLT
If you’ve gotten this far, I invite you to share your thoughts on marriage and what it means to you. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Lastly I want to pray for you in this area.
Heavenly Father,
I pray that everyone who reads and receives this message comes to you and be gifted with wisdom, knowledge, and discernment in Your ways concerning marriage. Help us to see people, things, and situations as you see them and empower us to be obedient to your word and strong in making decisions that honor you and those we’re in relationship with.
In Jesus’ mighty name,
Amen
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