I Love You

“Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?” Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:36-40 NLT

Jesus told me to love you as I love myself, and my question has been:

I am a maze of emotions, thoughts, behaviors, and actions, and often a puzzle even to myself. And you? Well, you may be even more of an intricate labyrinth than I am! I can’t read your mind, I can only guess your feelings, and I may never understand your actions. But whether I find you easy to understand or undecipherable, fascinating or frustrating, captivating or irritating, I’m called to love you. If you’re here, you’re likely walking or beginning to walk a similar path, and you, too, are being called to love others just as you love yourself.

Can we take the time to really ponder upon this commandment? I mean, it is of equal importance to the first and greatest commandment of loving the Lord our God with all our heart, soul and mind. I can’t help but wonder who else finds this directive as puzzling as it is profound.

I’m pretty sure most of us aim to treat others with kindness, but loving others as we love ourselves? That takes things to a whole new level. This ain’t your typical “be nice and treat others how you’d like to be treated” sort of thing. Don’t get me wrong, being kind and treating others well is important, and I’m not downplaying all the good you do – I know there’s a big heart in that chest and you’ve been spreading kindness as best you know how everywhere you go. But let’s be real, for many of us, being a bit kind and treating others decently isn’t all that hard. It’s as simple as holding the door for someone, checking in on a coworker, letting someone go ahead of us, or just saying “please” and “thank you.” We do those kinds of things often.

The thing is, God is calling us to aim higher. He’s telling us to love others the way we love ourselves. And the way we treat ourselves goes way deeper than those little acts of kindness I just mentioned. So, I’ve been doing some soul-searching, trying to figure out what this actually looks like in practice, especially when people are people-ing and things aren’t going so great. And you know what? It started with a conversation with myself. I had to ask myself, “Diamond, how do you show love to you?”

The Relationship Within Ourselves

I know I love me. You know you love you. I think we all have this innate love for ourselves, but seriously, how often do we stop and think about how we’re showing love to ourselves? It’s not a topic we often ponder, let alone express in words! Loving ourselves is like second nature, isn’t it? We may not always like ourselves, but we always love ourselves. It’s something we do without even thinking about it. Like taking a breath or blinking our eyes. So, bear with me as I attempt to put this into words. I’ll speak on behalf of all of us, because how I love myself is probably similar to how you love yourself too.

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At its core, our love for ourselves boils down to self-preservation, plain and simple. Every move we make to prolong our lives is a clear demonstration of self-love. Just think about it – making sure we eat, stay clean, dress appropriately, and have a roof over our heads are the basics, but they’re all acts of love. We love ourselves by protecting and preserving who we are.

Next is the layer of self-care. This is where we go beyond the essentials and sprinkle in extra love and attention. Maybe it’s something luxurious like treating ourselves to a spa day, or maybe it’s as simple as cozying up with a good book and a cup of tea, or breaking a sweat with some exercise. On the inside, it could mean therapy sessions, gratitude journaling, prayer, or doing something that lifts our spirits when we’re feeling low. We love ourselves by honoring and nurturing who we are.

Then there’s the fulfillment layer. This is where we dive into things, communities, relationships and ideas that truly make us come alive. For me, it’s surrounding myself with my faith community, pursuing passion projects, and prioritizing my relationship with God. We love ourselves by seeking to enhance and uplift who we are. Your self-care and fulfillment layers might look different, but in the end it all boils down to this:

Ultimately, we love ourselves by prioritizing our well-being, treating ourselves with kindness, and persistently pursuing our greatest potential. It’s an innate instinct deeply rooted in our subconscious.

Even in moments when we dislike ourselves or things about ourselves, we still love ourselves. C.S. Lewis oh-so eloquently captures this sentiment.

However much I might dislike my own cowardice or conceit or greed, I went on loving myself. There had never been the slightest difficulty about it. In fact, the very reason why I hated the things was that I loved the man. Just because I loved myself, I was sorry to find that I was the sort of man who did those things.

Mere Christianity

This is the blueprint for how we’re called to love others.

I love you by protecting you, honoring you, and uplifting you.

Wanting the best for you, as naturally as I breathe. Choosing to devalue your offenses and the see the God in you, even at your worst. Accepting your faults and simultaneously pushing you higher. This is how I love you in the same way that I love myself.

Theory Vs. Practice

Alright, now we’re in business, baby! We’ve got a blueprint, so everything is coming into focus. All that’s left is to put it into action and apply it to others. Heh. As if application is not the most challenging part. You remember how Jesus said that if we wish to follow Him we must give up our own way, take up our cross and follow Him? Well, there are countless ways in which we must carry our cross, and loving others the way we love ourselves will absolutely take giving up our own way. Being kind to others, treating them well—yeah, that’s in our comfort zone. But as we follow Jesus’s lead and our reservoirs of love for others deepen I think it’s crucial that we take time to reflect on what we need to let go of and what we need to embrace to support this journey. Ya know, I really feel like that is part of what our good brother Paul was talking about when he said, “set your mind on things above”.

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to follow Me [as My disciple], he must deny himself [set aside selfish interests], and take up his cross [expressing a willingness to endure whatever may come] and follow Me [believing in Me, conforming to My example in living and, if need be, suffering or perhaps dying because of faith in Me]. Matthew 16:24-26 AMP

Death To What ???

Something’s got to go. This is where it gets personal because I can’t identify what needs to die within you, thats between you and God. But He has revealed a few things within me that need to die for me to love the way He calls us to. Death to ungracious speech, death to offense, and death to self-centeredness are a few of the things he’s calling me toward right now. What about you? What within you needs to die so that you might love others the way that you love yourself?

Life To What ???

Something needs to be added. I’m praying for God to grant me supernatural forgiveness, a holy mindset, and vocabulary to match, and a level of selflessness closer to Jesus. Each one of these things would allow me to get closer to loving others the way that I love myself. There are also many other things that I should and could and will pray for, but whew, baby steps! Rome wasn’t built in a day, and I won’t be transformed overnight! As I ask God to reveal more of me to me, I can continue to partner and flow with the transformations He’s working within me. What about you? What do you feel you need to ask God to grace you with so that you might love others the way that you love yourself?

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8 NIV

Okay, But What Does This Look Like?

Let’s dive into the everyday reality of it all.

What God calls you to let go of or embrace could be very different things than what I’m called to let go of and embrace at this moment but hey, I share this in hopes that it resonates and helps you somehow.

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, but here’s what’s really been making a difference for me in loving others more: Firstly, I’m making a conscious effort to see everyone as a child of God, especially those who aren’t my cup of tea. They’re all part of His beautiful creation. This is much easier when nobody’s tap dancing on your last nerve but I believe that regularly meditating on this fact and asking God to help us see others through His eyes can lead us to be more generous with grace.

Lord, get our heart, mind, and eyes and tongue all on one accord- your accord.

Second, by constantly communicating with God about the areas that I know I need the Holy Spirit to really do His thang in, they remain at the forefront of my thoughts. That way, I can better match up my actions with what I’m asking for, moment to moment. Since I’m always thinking about it, I’m super aware of what I say to myself and others, and how it might impact us. There are moments in conversation where I literally have to pull my lips into my mouth to stop myself from speaking! I’m either stopping myself from saying something unintentionally lethal or from cosigning something that’s not life-giving. Ha!

As I seek God’s transformation for my sensitivity levels, I’m noticing where I’m more prone to feeling offended. When I’m rubbed the wrong way, I’m asking, “Is this really that deep?” Sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn’t. Regardless, holding onto offense only hinders my relationships—with others and with God. It’s impossible to cling to God and cling to offense at the same time. If I cling to offense, I can’t practice empathy or forgiveness, which is not loving others as I love myself, nor is it the example God sets. As God reduces my sensitivity levels, I find myself becoming more forgiving—it’s a twofer.

Lastly, I’m actively shifting my focus onto others—getting more curious about them and their lives. And you know what? People are fascinating! As I dig into other peoples lives; their likes and dislikes, their hobbies, their perspectives, my self-focus naturally diminishes. I end up with treasure troves of insight into others, and I find myself with a wealth of knowledge about other people and things that I otherwise just might not ever think of. A beautiful benefit to focusing on others is that you naturally stop overthinking your own flaws. Stepping into others worlds takes the spotlight off of me, me, me, in more ways than one. Another win-win.

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Can we give it up for our God being so so good to us!? If you haven’t noticed, our human efforts to change don’t get us very far. But with God’s hand on what we turn to Him about, there’s nowhere to go but UP. (Get it? Badum Tss!) We can’t do it on our own, but we have a father that loves us so much and has plans to prosper us! The goal is merely to partner with Him and set our minds and hearts in the direction that He’s taking us. Get in your self-awareness bag, be vigilant, confront what God is revealing, and counter it with the image He gives us. This is a life-long process, so make sure to give yourself grace because we’re not always going to get it right; just know that God is working in you!

I pray you go out and love your neighbor more deeply from this day forth. I pray that God guides your steps and transforms every person who reads this into someone who loves others in the beautiful way that we love ourselves. I pray that your heart and mind be transformed so that you can’t help but ooze and embody love. I pray your eyes see, your ears hear, and your lips speak in love. I pray that we all embrace and follow this commandment with sincerity and obedience. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

I love you.

Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14 ESV